Facebook Friends In "Real Life"

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." - 1 Corinthians 13:6

Ok... so admit it, we've all done things a little backwards before. For example; sometimes we go to the mall, pick out an outfit, buy it, take it home, and then try it on. However, it is usually better to try on the clothes at the mall first, before you buy them, just to make sure they fit and look good. When you take home the outfit first there is a big chance you might not like it and want to take it back---because from my shopping experience---the outfit almost always looks better in the store, on the rack, then when you take it home and try it on.

The same goes for meeting people online before you meet them in person. (Not that people are like clothes in any way, shape, or form. lol. But the example here seems to showcase my point.) This is sort of backwards to how you would normally meet a person. It is much better to meet them in person first and to connect with them online afterwards. When you meet someone online first you don't have the luxury of seeing who they truly are. They could easily hide behind a profile of what you think they are. From my recent experience, I found out this is truly the case. Even if you really really think you know them, you can never be 100% sure of anything about them until you see them face to face. When someone is dishonest with you in real life it is easy to see their body language and personal reaction. This makes it hard for them to deceive you. But through the internet, texting, and sometimes even in phone conversations being deceptive can become very easy.

For example, I met someone online through a Catholic dating website---let's call him Andrew (although that is not his real name). Andrew and I talked for several months on the phone. We seemed to have lots in common---from our faith, music, movies, books, all the way to taste in food. We had loads of fun chatting for hours at a time. I truly thought he was unlike anyone I ever knew. He made me feel so special. We connected on social networking sites and video called each other. He actually lived very far away from me, so this was as close as we could get to be "in person." Since I saw him on the video chat I thought, Yeah, see, he is who he says he is. It's fine. *ahhemm* ...Not really.

Little did I know that Andrew was not who I thought he was. Over time it became easier and easier to see the reality of the situation. I don't believe he was being completely honest with me and I find that unsettling. It's sad because Andrew and I never got to meet face to face, but it was his choice. Early on we arranged a way for us to meet up in person but it never worked out. I believe God was protecting me from getting my heart even more broken. I'm not going to go into anymore details, because it's over and doesn't need to be brought up again. The fact is, I was painting a picture in my head of who I wanted him to be which was different from his real character.

"The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out." - Proverbs 10:9

This type of deception is very alarming. That is why I caution anyone who tries online dating, even on Catholic websites, because you never know who it is you are really talking to. Even one of my very good friends had the exact same thing happen to her! I honestly don't condom meeting people online. I actually know of some people who found their future spouse on the same Catholic website and it turned out to be completely fine! It was absolutely wonderful!!! But I'm just putting out a fair warning to anyone who wants to try it.

The good news is that God can, in fact, bring us holy Catholic people closer together through the internet. Like I said, meeting people online is not bad at all. There just needs to be a precaution taken into consideration. I've met many people online first and then in person. I actually met the Nolan family on YouTube. Eventually we met in person and took a pilgrimage to Medjugorje together. I've met several other classmates on Facebook first and now one of them is a really good friend of mine.

Furthermore, I've been talking to a Catholic girl on Facebook named Therese for a few years now. Somehow she found me and sent me a friend request with a sweet message. I accepted her and guess what!?! We are now actually friends in real life! I just met her a couple days ago. She is truly a remarkable person. For the longest time we've messaged each other, texted, phone called, and Skyped. But now, we finally got to meet in person. This is very unusual because she doesn't live anywhere near me at all. In fact she lives many states north of Florida, where I live. However, she decided to go to college in Florida and we were finally able to meet in person.

It was so surreal when we actually met. It was almost like seeing an old friend that you hadn't seen in a very very long time. Therese is a wonderful person! She is Catholic, devout, faithful, loyal, honest, trustworthy...and the great part is, she really is who she says she is. Therese encompasses all the qualities I actually imagined her to be. There was no fraudulent picture of her in my head. This confirms that our friendship was not fantasized, but it actually was and is real. It is so refreshing to know that since I recently had a not-so-good-experience online with Andrew. But after praying about it for some time now, I think I see why God allowed that experience to happen and why it didn't work out. It was a very good learning experience. It has made me wiser and more wary with people I meet over the internet.

I am grateful for knowing Therese and pray that we continue to be really good friends. Like I said before, meeting people online can be a very good thing since you can reach people of the same faith outside your local area.

But if you are trying online dating websites I suggest to match up with people within the same vicinity, or state, at least. Even if you find someone else outside your local area---who might be many states away---just make sure you don't get your heart too caught up emotionally right off the bat. You need to find out from them if you'll ever be able to meet them in person, otherwise it is a waste of time. If you're never going to see them why continue the relationship? So, my advice is to pray for that person. Pray a novena for you and for them if you feel called to meet them in real life. And if you are not currently online dating, but want to, I suggest to pray a novena for that too. Ask Mary in the rosary. I guarantee she will lead you to those who also hold her, as a mother, close to their heart.

May God bless you! †

Saintly Friendships

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure." - Sirach 6:14

Friendships are a big part of life! Whenever life brings us up or down it is usually our friends we turn to -- in both the good times and bad. We look to them for advice, comfort, companionship, peace, joy, love, hope, and guidance. They help transform our lives for the best in weakness, sorrow, and distress. They yearn for us to find truth, meaning, passion, and purpose.

Virtuous friends, filled with the light of the Holy Spirit, will pray for you, will pray with you, and will speak to you with the words of God. They will help show you what you cannot see. Christ-like friends will encourage you to stand up again when you are brought to your knees. These true and faithful friends will give their best effort to be there for you when you are in most need of their presence and consolation. In order for the friendship to sustain itself, you too must also be willing to hold out your hand to them in the times when they have fallen. Treat them as you would want them to treat you. The more you become their friend the more likely they will become a true friend to you.

However, be careful when forming friendships. Not everyone can be your friend and not everyone is going to be. Being friends with someone means you have to be able to trust them. Imagine confiding your deepest feelings to someone who doesn't have your best interest at heart? Real friends want to help you. They will not tear you down. They might tell you things you do not want to hear, but it is because they care about you ssssoooo much! If they purposely try to sabotage your dreams and continuously hurt you...then you should take a step back, reevaluate the situation, and reconsider having any type of relationship with them. A true friend will give you the joy you seek and will even help you to become the best version of yourself.

Finding these true friends can be difficult...and sometimes it is just a very simple solution. Go to God. In God you will be able to find your true friends. That means you might find them at church or in a Catholic/Christian group in your school or community. Friendship built on a sturdy foundation of the same faith (or very similar) will be able to withstand the test of time. These friendships have a common union in God, in morality, and in virtue.

Similarities are important, but a friendship rooted outside of God cannot bear good fruit. Since God is love, a friend who does not know God cannot love you the way a true friend should. It is nice for you and your friend to have similar tastes in music, fashion, art, books, hobbies, sports, food, culture, ...etc. But if the two of you can only base your friendship on materialistic things then it is not "true friendship" you are finding.

If you have a best friend now who does not believe in God, please pray for them and their conversion. However, it is up to them to choose God and you should not force them to. You may invite them to church or pray a rosary with you sometime, but if they reject the invitation don't feel like your prayers for them were in vain. We are all given free will. If they refuse God deliberately, then it is because they have freely chosen to do so. In that case, even though it may be extremely difficult, you should remove yourself from the friendship. In a friendship without God you cannot be led in the right direction with their help or guidance. Even if you feel that you can help them, you would be doing yourself a favor to end the relationship or at least dropping it down to an acquaintance level.

You may have heard the phrase "birds of a feather flock together." This means people who have the same beliefs, morals, or principals of life tend to hang around each other. Going back through the history of the church you may notice that many saints were friends with other saints. For example, St. Francis of Assisi was friends with both St. Clare and St. Anthony. The twin brother and sister duo, St. Benedict and St. Scholastica, were lifelong companions and both canonized by the Catholic Church. Even St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. Francis Xavier were great friends and Jesuit roommates. As you can see, Sainthood begets Sainthood. Finding friends who are saintly and love God will also help you to become saintly and to love God more deeply.

So in your quest for true, holy, pure, and "saintly" friends---seek God. Focus on deepening your relationship with Him. Don't worry. Just put your trust in Him. Don't even try to force friendships. Just let it happen naturally when you meet someone. I guarantee you that He will lead you close to those who also love Him. The church is a family united under the one God, and He wants you to know your beloved brothers and sisters in Christ.

If you have these wonderful saintly friends already, praise God that you do! You are so blest to have these people in your life. They help you throughout life's difficult moments and help you to not despair nor become despondent. For that reason, as it says in the Holy Bible, "Cherish your friend, keep faith in him." - Sirach 27:17