"Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.'" - Luke 9:23
Reflecting on Jesus' passion, this Lent, I have come to feel the pain and the weight of the cross in a much deeper way through sacrifice and prayer. I decided to give up Facebook for Lent so I could utilize this time to be with God instead. After spending a lot of time away from Facebook I realized how much more time I really do have for God and my schoolwork. So, during my Lenten prayers, I have been praying a 54-day-rosary novena for a beloved friend of mine. (Because this novena is 54-days it will continue for a little while after Lent.) It is said to be miraculous! Therefore, I fully trust in the Blessed Mother's miraculous intercession, before the throne of God, with my earnest petition.
Even though this wonderful novena has been a very joyous and peaceful experience it has also made me feel the weight of the cross so much so that it is very hard to bare. You see, the reason why I am praying for my friend is because he has lost his way and is in a really dark place right now -- even though he cannot see it himself. He used to have faith, and at one point wanted to be a holy, Christian person ...but somehow he lost it along the way with brokenness in his family. I really do care for him, so I have devoted my prayers for his conversion and openness to Jesus. I absolutely know that my prayers will not go unanswered... I'm just not sure how God is planning on answering them and when. But I do not doubt because I have faith.
However, I feel the cross most when I am with my friend and I see no sign of him turning to Christ. It truly hurts my heart. Some days are better then others. Every once in a while he will start randomly asking me questions about the Catholic faith, and I feel very much hopeful -- seeing that he has peaked an interest and curiosity. Nevertheless, many days are not like this. He closes off his mind and heart to accepting God. That is when it is really hard to keep the faith and continue day after day with the prayer.
I truly understand the power of God and know that He will come through in some extraordinary way! It is just very hard to see right now. But I am willing to wait on the Lord for His answer and His Will with patience, hope, and love. From past experiences I know God is capable of doing impossible things. He rewards those who seek Him and trust in Him fully. That is why when I feel the most weak under this cross, as if I'm about to fall, giving up, I ask God for His strength to keep going and keep persevering in prayer for a miracle. Just like Jesus fell several times on the way to His death we must get back up and continue forward. Because, after all, the resurrection of Christ always follows the death. It is just in these moments of sorrow we must find the patience and courage to surrender to God's Will, partaking in the cross of Christ, daily. For in the glorious resurrection we find the most joy! So continuing day after day to take up your cross in prayer and sacrifice will only find you a most rewarding Easter celebration when God's proper time is made known and exalted.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9
